Kittie compiles the musings of Prof. Geoffrey -  a purple cat. He is a very thoughtful purple cat with a lot time on his paws. As he is a cat, he can’t use the Mac very well to blog his quips so he dictates and Kittie jots it all down. Any typos are her fault entirely.

You can  write to P.G. by mailing Murgatroid Mittens, the house secretary here. P.G. does get a lot of fan mail but tries to answer everyone as quickly as possible.

Read on for the ‘P.G. Tips’ - a collection of pun-tastic aphorisms:

• Rationalism and Honesty. I see no reason to doubt them.
• If patience is a virtue and curiosity a vice, it’s time to poke about at things.
• Tabloid journalism - it’s a read herring.
• Taxidermy - it’s the Marmite of interior design.
• Time for Fashion: The past  becomes us very well - it tailor makes our present suit and lays out our future habits.
• Ah, Britain - a nation founded on tea and current puns.
• History – We make it up as we go along (quite literally). Literally.
• No-one likes Vulgarity but Love.
• Isn’t it interesting that those persons whom we dislike so much, we so love to discuss? In fact, the two are quite positively-negatively correlated!
• Curiosity - the most virtuous of vices?
• Tabloids sell noise - not news. They are ‘noisepapers’ which scream at you from the gutter shelf.
• She found that his intolerance made her sick - how ironic.
• It is in curiosity that we find allure.
• To truly experience a thing, you must be thoroughly immersed in it. To truly understand a thing, you must be thoroughly detached from it.
• Isn’t it interesting how those who sit on the fence are often those who created the fence?
• Speak with your mind, or heart - but not the spleen (let’s not consider any communication from anything further south, neither).
• Everyone has their reasons, few have an excuse.
• If you really cannot lose then you cannot really win.
• In business, ‘us’ comes before ‘I’.
• The essence of Affluence is in Demonstration.
• Malicious gossip is a bitter pill indeed - but it’s only poisonous if you swallow it.
• Call it what you like - just be sure to call it what it is.
• PR = Private Rule. Controlling the public relations of others for money, is private rule for taxes…

A growing collection point for Professor Geoffrey’s poems and the like.

Travesty

Curtains - at last!
An end to a badly acted farce.
No applause for a saboteur cast -
who take cloaks and daggers with them.

Sad

The page was turned,
The fruit had churned.
Old stripper with thoughts uncouth
Peels in the afternoon sun -
Clinging to memoirs of youth,
Like stale sheets betwixt sweaty cheeks
Long since spurned.

‘Gossip‘

Malicious gossip is a bitter pill indeed - but it’s only poisonous if you swallow it. The irony is that it is often those others, who it was not intended to damage, who swallow it whole and become a social side effect.

‘Tolerating the Intolerant’

As a cat my milk allergy is somewhat socially embarrassing, especially down at my Club - but it does give me ‘paws’ for thought. I am lactose intolerant, there I’ve said it  but I am completely tolerant to others enjoying their milk products.

I do not however accept that they have any right by presumption of special ability (to drink milk unimpeded) that by slipping some milk or cream in my soy-based Brandy Alexander and thus causing me to vomit, that they are in fact ‘purging me of some evil’ an evil that I could not see from my intolerant perspective.

So, I conclude that I’m not intolerant, it’s just that what you like makes me sick.

‘PR = Private Rule’.

PR is everything.

The world is controlled by PR – literally, it is the public relations between individuals, counties and countries that determine our present and future. The real politicians are the PR agents and marketing execs who avoid being controlled by their public image in the press, by controlling the press themselves.

The problem is that, we don’t get to elect who these people are. In fact, the reason they exist is a self fulfilling prophecy – to be a leader you need a public image, to get a public image you licence ideas and hire resources from PR agents. They give it to you for money, they can take it away. They forever hold you to ransom.
What of Private Relations? Are these the stuff of Revolution? Is this why PR invades our homes via the TV? Is it further clandestine control measures?

‘Damage Limitation’ is essentially the issue of a counter story to combat or negate the first. This is a war of plausibility and the linguistic weapons are aimed dead set at the credibility of the other and gullibility of everyone else.

Whichever story can be sustained, wins.